Suffocated.

I feel privileged when I say that I stepped out of the house today after three whole weeks!! To my dismay, since I am a highly sensitive person, the experience was utterly traumatizing - there was too much chaos, EVERYWHERE!


Indian roads are terrible - too many potholes, too many people and too many vehicles. (No, there aren't cows on the street, like they show in American sitcoms. Well, there are on a few streets, but not all.) Things had gotten better when the city was in lockdown, as not many people ventured out of their houses, and that made driving complete bliss. However, now that the lockdown has been lifted, the roads are back to the hellish mess they always were.



Being someone who likes things in order (and who's hobby is arranging things), Indian roads are my worst nightmare. Vehicles crisscrossing each other, people walking on the street like they're strolling in the park, stray dogs appearing out of nowhere - you get my point. And after being stuck at home for so long, I had forgotten how terrible it was to step out, and how much I had always disliked it.


In addition, I am a very observant person, so, when I see people not wearing masks or sipping chai at the marketplace, I end up going into a state of panic. So, this was me today - sitting in the car, having difficultly breathing as I was diligently wearing my mask, trying to stay calm while counting the number of people on the road not wearing masks, and rubbing sanitizer on my hands every two minutes, hoping to kill all the bacteria in the city, I guess. (Yes, I'm a cleanliness freak, and the pandemic is NOT helping!)



When I came back home, I felt overwhelmed beyond words. I retreated to my room, and took more than an hour to calm down. It felt like I had gone on an adventure today, even though I drove barely five kilometers.


I'm lucky to have a wonderful mother, who does everything for me so that I can study in peace, and I can't imagine how overwhelmed she must be getting on a daily basis, each time she steps out of the house. God bless her!


Most people I know are feeling suffocated being holed up at home due to the pandemic. But me, I feel free. And I've never identified as an introvert as much as I did today!

Thank you for reading! Stay blessed!


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