This article is in continuation of the article I had written a month ago, about being body shamed, which was one of the forms of emotional abuse I suffered, at the hands of my narcissistic ex.
The thing about emotional abuse, is that although it is as painful as physical abuse, sometimes even more, nobody will take you seriously. It is much like the importance, or lack of it, given to depression and mental issues – people think you’re making stuff up, and that you aren’t suffering at all.
When I broke up with my ex, he stalked and threatened me, every few months, for more than a year.
Ultimately, after my car being followed by the monster, I couldn’t handle it anymore, and my (late) dad went to his house and confronted his mother and him. His mother was shocked, and it seemed that she didn’t know who I was at all. (I was pretty surprised, because my ex used to say that he spoke about me regularly to her. Another lie.) The next day, my ex sent his mother and his friend to my (late) dad’s office, to yell at me.
This was part of the conversation I remember :
Friend : Why are you blaming him, when he didn’t do anything wrong?
Me : Didn’t do anything wrong, what do you mean?!?! He followed my car, so close, as if he was going to dash me, and then after half a kilometer, he took a u-turn, so that his car and mine were face-to-face.
Friend : He was going somewhere else to collect a parcel for someone, and he has every right to drive on any road he wants, you don’t own the road. (I’m sure that once my (late) dad left his house the previous day, my ex, the narcissist and pathological liar, must have weaved a tale, blaming me for lying. A tale which his mum and friend seemed to have believed immediately.)
Friend : If you want to go to the police, let’s go, he did nothing wrong.
Me : Yes, let’s go! What about those times he stood below my house at 1 am, for more than a week, playing loud music in his car and waking up the entire neighbourhood?
Friend : He only missed you, and was confused about why you left suddenly, he wanted an answer.
Me : That’s bullshit!
Friend : What else are you blaming him for?
I didn’t tell him about the yellings that left me crying for hours, the daily taunts, the comparisons with other girls, the emails in which I was threatened to be killed if I didn’t go back to him. I didn’t tell him about the time my ex pinched me so hard that it left a blood clot on my arm, which lasted for two weeks, and when I had confronted my ex about it, he laughed, and said it was just ‘a love pinch’. I didn’t tell him about how my ex used to tell me, on multiple occasions, that the world didn’t need sensitive people like me. Instead, I kept quiet. I didn’t say a word, because I knew for a fact that whatever I said would be laughed at. And that is exactly what his friend did – he told my (late) dad that 'you believe your daughter and her lies only because she is a girl'. He thought he could break me, but the entire time that I was being blamed, I stood my ground. I knew that I was in the right, and that even though his mother and his friend thought otherwise, my ex was well aware of the abuse and the pain he put me through. He can fool the world, but he can’t fool God! (I am eternally grateful to my (late) dad, who believed me, and fought for me, tooth and nail. And to God, who saved me from the clutches of a monster.)
The blaming continues : Today, after all these years, I have made peace with the fact that nobody will truly understand what I went through, in that toxic relationship, as well as in the years that followed. So many people have told me, ‘It’s your fault. Who told you to get into that relationship in the first place?’ (Frankly, this is the most hurtful of the comments I have got, because even after suffering so much, I am being blamed for it.) That’s the reason why, whenever I speak about the abuse, I always have a feeling that people would think that I exaggerate too much. Sadly, in my experience, all people do is judge and blame!
A little advice : Emotional/mental abuse is as bad as physical abuse.
If you know someone who has suffered, or is suffering from it, stop doubting them, and give them the love and support they need, because that is all they ask for!
Be there for them, before it’s too late!
Thank you for reading! Stay blessed!